tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34450630509445153092012-01-19T23:29:06.819-05:00LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.comBlogger4251100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-63447603056167067662012-01-15T17:42:00.000-05:002012-01-15T17:42:24.212-05:00

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.As she was still in mid-rant, she heard

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-65353780999442969582011-10-04T22:37:00.004-04:002011-10-04T22:37:59.985-04:00

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-16845584749560389622011-10-04T22:37:00.000-04:002011-10-04T22:37:00.289-04:00

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company."  The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-26648168163731459482011-09-25T21:14:00.000-04:002011-09-25T21:14:00.304-04:00

Again... nicked from a friend's FB page: Two Irish nuns have just arrived in Calgary from the old country, and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in Canada, we might as well do as the Canadians do." As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling, "Hot Dogs, get your dogs here," and they both

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-78130796583693827912011-09-25T20:29:00.000-04:002011-09-25T20:29:14.619-04:00

Nicked from a friend's FB page. A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the Natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-63154169724513876532011-09-24T23:40:00.000-04:002011-09-24T23:40:34.351-04:00

nicked from an aquaintance's FB page: A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:  'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. ' God, in his infinite wisdom,

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-81721412827066901952011-09-21T17:14:00.001-04:002011-09-21T17:16:02.290-04:00

CONTENT WARNING: Nicked from a friend's Facebook page. Not suitable for family viewing. One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.  The new bride asks, "What are them cows up

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-49558800813328901452011-09-01T17:14:00.000-04:002011-09-01T17:14:01.061-04:00

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall, is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in... "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time, since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-71153840857413807512011-07-21T22:19:00.000-04:002011-07-21T22:19:31.986-04:00

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.  Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'  The blonde said it was hers.  'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.  The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-82812271880502871922011-07-21T22:06:00.002-04:002011-07-21T22:06:09.539-04:00

Through the eyes of a child: The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.  The Bible says,'The Lord thy God is one, but Ithink He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.  Then God made the world.He split the Adam and made Eve.  Adam and Eve were naked, but they

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-17112765493091098772011-07-21T21:45:00.000-04:002011-07-21T21:45:28.348-04:00

~~~~~~~~~CONTENT WARNING~~~~~~~~~~~~ An elderly man really took care of his body.He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day.One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis.So he decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely and buried himself in the sand, except for his

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-3620954426159543022011-07-21T21:43:00.002-04:002011-07-21T21:43:12.356-04:00

An old guy (not in the best of shape) was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing.He asked the trainer that was nearby, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?"The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I’d try the ATM in the lobby" LOL! Thanks Tori!!

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-33283141300112808502011-07-21T21:38:00.002-04:002011-07-21T21:38:23.487-04:00

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-47217430491186808112011-07-21T21:35:00.001-04:002011-07-21T21:40:21.463-04:00

LMAO!! Thanks punkn!!

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-6517263504286192142011-07-21T21:26:00.000-04:002011-07-21T21:26:31.068-04:00

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. Once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-29596669235764012292011-07-21T21:21:00.000-04:002011-07-21T21:21:14.835-04:00

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe' and placed his order. He said I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.' The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards..... What does he think this place is an auto

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-19182599052486424142011-06-24T00:16:00.000-04:002011-06-24T00:16:10.428-04:00

Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-90494481248640046752011-05-19T17:34:00.002-04:002011-05-19T17:35:20.106-04:00

A married couple in their early sixties were celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary in a romantic restaurant. Suddenly a fairy godmother appeared. She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple, I will grant you each a wish." The wife answered, "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and POOF!- two tickets for the Queen Mary 2

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-80706348924899276962011-05-17T16:23:00.000-04:002011-05-17T16:23:39.142-04:00

HELLEXPLAINED     BY ACHEMISTRY STUDENTThe following is an actual question given on aUniversity of Arizona chemistry mid-term, andan actual answer turned in by a student.    The answer bythis student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it withcolleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now havethe pleasure of enjoying it as well :   Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-32965455015178209842011-05-17T16:06:00.000-04:002011-05-17T16:06:46.485-04:00

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,"It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him,"Now,

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-35507718065194687862011-05-17T15:49:00.002-04:002011-05-17T15:49:16.728-04:00

An RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-32039565036703838662011-05-16T03:19:00.002-04:002011-05-16T03:19:54.754-04:00

One day we found an old straggly cat at our door.  She was a sorry sight.  Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down.  We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'  The vet decided to keep her for a day or so.  He said he would let us know when we could come and get her.  My husband

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-47301870921116561212011-05-16T03:15:00.000-04:002011-05-16T03:15:18.396-04:00

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car.His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades upfrom a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for theoffer, and they agreed on

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-50071512072070403222011-05-16T03:05:00.000-04:002011-05-16T03:05:30.829-04:00

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.""Okay then," said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen.It's length and width was almost identical to a AAA battery.Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. And then she

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-31599117529767343632011-05-16T02:56:00.000-04:002011-05-16T02:56:11.436-04:00

I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven Who made me sputter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners,The alcoholics and the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor Who never said anything nice. Joe, who I

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-70372778554509602562011-05-16T02:51:00.002-04:002011-05-16T02:51:56.641-04:00

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS ADTo the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night beforelast.Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m.  E.S.T.I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demandedthat I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and mygirlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend'spurse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-58758901983991295912011-05-16T02:50:00.000-04:002011-05-16T02:50:39.010-04:00

A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says,  "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity, so he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So, she does and

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-59663075855844225842011-05-13T16:53:00.002-04:002011-05-13T16:53:56.656-04:00

    If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!  This is even funnier when you realize it's real!  Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana .    He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.    Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.  She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-49445892207367501632011-03-31T20:52:00.004-04:002011-03-31T21:00:58.961-04:00

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-63398175554557489642011-03-06T18:12:00.002-05:002011-03-06T18:15:51.150-05:00

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news.You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order..."The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting."Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-58965005017218721542011-03-06T15:04:00.000-05:002011-03-06T15:05:28.464-05:00

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. And bought a mule for $100.The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day...The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-60669239440652876882011-01-04T14:54:00.001-05:002011-01-04T14:54:55.448-05:00

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, 'I've been a little sick to my stomach.'The older doctor says, 'Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-69216893534278127532011-01-04T13:03:00.002-05:002011-01-04T13:05:51.237-05:00

An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:"Father.. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."The priest replied: "That was a wonderful

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-74709405246764886772011-01-04T12:35:00.000-05:002011-01-04T12:36:49.054-05:00

A refuse collector in Cairns , Australia , is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor. He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door and knocks. There's no answer.Being a kindly and conscientious bloke, he knocks

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-74709716948198854612010-09-05T11:28:00.001-04:002010-09-05T11:29:46.579-04:00

You're An EXTREME Redneck When..... 01. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 02. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 03. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 04. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. 05. You wonder how service

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-10163830365095319752010-09-05T11:21:00.003-04:002010-09-05T11:31:00.069-04:00

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse. "I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.He hobbles out to the drinking fountain,forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-87438354749090974162010-08-02T10:28:00.000-04:002010-08-02T10:30:34.057-04:00

There was a zebra that had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on in age so the zookeeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm.The zebra was so excited, she got to see this huge space with green grass and hills and trees and all these strange animals.She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it all excited, "hi, I'm a zebra! What

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-18948206186172717182010-07-22T16:22:00.000-04:002010-07-22T16:23:38.323-04:00

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Donna asked him if there was anything wrong, 'Yes, Nurse Donna ,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.' Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.' The

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-67898092098977752512010-07-22T16:17:00.001-04:002010-07-22T16:18:30.442-04:00

Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase 'You Gotta Be Shittin Me'?Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our Country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.Finally, Washington

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-60076840279632296432010-07-22T16:14:00.000-04:002010-07-22T16:16:30.704-04:00

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.""Very good," said the teacher.Little

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-22652743358032492412010-07-22T16:03:00.001-04:002010-07-22T16:05:58.118-04:00

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. 'How many children?' asks the council worker. '10' replies the Essex girl. '10?' says the council worker. 'What are their names?' 'Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne.' 'Doesn't that get confusing?' 'Naah....' says the Essex girl 'its great because if they are out playing in the street

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-87803742783086462162010-07-22T16:02:00.001-04:002010-07-22T16:02:41.267-04:00

98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.Back

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-88118594446215327212010-07-22T15:58:00.001-04:002010-07-22T16:00:06.987-04:00

**CONTENT WARNING**So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow.Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads... He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.Anyway... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads," begs her. "I'm hacked off being

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-30479440189893755552010-07-20T12:48:00.000-04:002010-07-20T12:49:06.594-04:00

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:Woman: I lost my husbandInspector: What is his heightWoman: I never noticedInspector: Slim or healthyWoman Not slim can be healthyInspector: Color of eyesWoman: Never noticedInspector: Color of hairWoman: Should be blackInspector: What was he wearingWoman: I don't remember exactlyInspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-83552641237123411212010-07-20T12:44:00.001-04:002010-07-20T12:47:40.713-04:00

Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in Western Kentucky out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-71720652465341356822010-07-20T12:43:00.000-04:002010-07-20T12:44:11.603-04:00

At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock' on the door. Sure

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-88936853025413341242010-07-20T12:34:00.001-04:002010-07-20T12:37:11.145-04:00

An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:Dear DadBerlin is wonderful, people are nice and I reallylike it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arriveat my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTBwhen all my teachers and many fellow studentstravel by train.Your son, NasserThe next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mailfrom his dad:My dear loving sonTwenty million US Dollar has just been

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-31077066386579762212010-07-20T12:32:00.001-04:002010-07-20T12:32:45.000-04:00

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,Found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,"Ma'am, I'm

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-72112186398428930402010-07-20T12:29:00.000-04:002010-07-20T12:30:07.231-04:00

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot".The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Wow, he's a lucky one.

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-12236943185656660742010-07-20T12:25:00.002-04:002010-07-20T12:27:50.966-04:00

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-67041787776949180072010-07-20T12:22:00.001-04:002010-07-20T12:24:02.133-04:00

"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination."I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint - my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?"The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped."My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-30281356662658637242010-07-20T12:17:00.000-04:002010-07-20T12:18:06.000-04:00

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Adelaide, they have weekly husband'smarriage seminars.At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he wasapproaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and sharesome insight into how he had managed to stay happily married to the samewoman all these years.Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands:'Wella, I'va tried to treat her

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-16363836916735729422010-07-20T12:11:00.001-04:002010-07-20T12:16:20.111-04:00

Muscles strained and veins popped as a determined frown spreadacross my face.I put all of my manly strength forth.The thing held fast, but I was determined that I would not bebeaten.Taking a deep breath, I lunged forward again, bending down andputting all of my 185 pounds behind it anew.I trembled.It trembled.These are the times that vex a man's soul.Manhood is at stake.To fail now is the

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-31082873041672752052010-07-06T15:16:00.002-04:002010-07-06T15:23:28.679-04:00

If God had texted the Ten Commandments to Moses:01) no1 b4 me. srsly02) dnt wrshp pix/idols03) no omg's04) no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)05) pos ok- ur m&d r cool06) dnt kill ppl07) :-X only w/ m808) dnt steal09) dnt lie re:bf10) dnt ogle ur bf's m8, or ox, or dnky. myobNicked from Reader's Digest June/July 2010 issue, pg39 Laugh! :) section, penned by Jamie Quatro

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-34700186274631399942010-05-20T16:04:00.001-04:002010-05-20T16:05:45.406-04:00

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go ? Wonder no more ! ! !It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-78573952925616461062010-05-20T15:58:00.001-04:002010-05-20T16:01:09.831-04:00

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up acase of Budweiser and puts it in their cart."What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife."They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies."Put them back! We can't afford them," orders the wife.They carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-25208936971114840792010-05-20T15:54:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:57:06.611-04:00

A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.'The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.' The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.'Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.She comes up to the guy and she says, '

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-75820917962532950802010-05-20T15:52:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:53:07.388-04:00

Dr.Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.lol! thanks hank!!

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-43566102965624666822010-05-20T15:49:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:50:55.912-04:00

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?He asked for help and she could see why..Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked,

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-11633899171522099422010-05-20T15:46:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:48:44.707-04:00

In the fun world of the administration of justice, not all the laughs are in the court-room. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place.For example: On a bitterly cold winter's day several years ago in northern British Columbia, a RCMP constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective clothing and helmet, stalled by the roadside. "What's the

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-47724974809825253062010-05-20T15:40:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:41:47.128-04:00

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu.Tasty Tourist: $5Broiled Missionary: $7Fried Explorer: $9Pecan-encrusted CPA: $11Engineer under Glass: $12Freshly Baked Republicans and Democrats: $250The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-69853525648162736752010-05-20T15:30:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:32:21.895-04:00

*content*She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-3042898294649616292010-05-20T15:28:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:28:53.459-04:00

Lynn and Ruth were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.Ruth, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-72379955319406565932010-05-20T15:15:00.000-04:002010-05-20T15:16:18.942-04:00

Detroit schools are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations!NAME____________________GANG/CREW NAME______________CRIB_________________1. LaJames has an AK-47 with a 200-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin. How many mofos can LaJames

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-53850562166019377112010-05-20T15:10:00.002-04:002010-05-20T15:14:45.380-04:00

*content warning due to political nature. If this isn't your viewpoint, please feel free to move on to the next entry*George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-65478791846192942692010-05-20T15:00:00.001-04:002010-05-20T15:09:05.703-04:00

Three nuns stand at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, and Saint Peter turns to them and explains that they must answer a single question each to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Sister Lara steps forward."Who was the first man on God's Earth?" asks Saint Peter."Adam," the sister replies. And the lights flash, the bells toll and the gates of Heaven open.Sister Evelyn steps forward and says she is ready

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-5576750341356655052010-03-20T14:56:00.004-04:002010-05-20T14:57:10.044-04:00

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, '

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-40723471655546387272010-03-20T14:54:00.001-04:002010-03-20T14:55:21.964-04:00

Two balloons get married and have a little baby balloon. At first they all sleep together in the same bed......but eventually the baby gets bigger and they have to put him in a seperate cot.The baby balloon accepts this reluctantly but one night, as he lies there, he finds himself wishing he were back in with his mum and dad....so while they are asleep he squeezes between them. But there's no

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-59510808933195115782010-03-20T14:48:00.002-04:002010-03-20T14:51:26.144-04:00

leaving a content warning, not that I believe it needs it....but just in case.These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!(The audience laughed so long and so

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-69701323096705271132010-03-20T14:42:00.002-04:002010-03-20T14:43:33.497-04:00

Thanks hank, this was a hoot!

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-3955334267867113152010-03-20T14:32:00.001-04:002010-03-20T14:34:20.793-04:00

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings.""Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-68287510290732650202010-03-20T13:31:00.001-04:002010-03-20T13:33:11.142-04:00

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-29347331466232365692010-03-10T20:43:00.001-05:002010-03-10T20:44:32.128-05:00

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program..The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'Without a

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-70877084577420904612010-01-28T19:58:00.001-05:002010-01-28T20:00:23.467-05:00

The economy is so bad that:I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"CEO's are now playing miniature golf.If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.McDonald's is

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-63816911314459110132010-01-28T19:54:00.001-05:002010-01-28T19:56:02.838-05:00

Teacher arrested:A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.At a morning press conference Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, whohas been charged by the FBI

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-78726499863209492432010-01-28T19:38:00.001-05:002010-01-28T19:39:39.925-05:00

A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Gasthaus Gutenberger restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-33884665886970561532010-01-09T18:29:00.001-05:002010-01-09T18:32:42.491-05:00

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:Dear Sir,Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-64917499204463952342010-01-09T17:58:00.002-05:002010-01-09T18:23:10.082-05:00

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-48672385422709154202010-01-09T17:28:00.002-05:002010-01-09T17:40:50.086-05:00

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-51511898566205676042010-01-09T17:05:00.001-05:002010-01-09T17:06:38.215-05:00

Drafting Guys over 60----this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier- New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60! I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-36393981552230639722010-01-09T17:00:00.001-05:002010-01-09T17:01:51.005-05:00

Content warning: slightly mature themeLMAO!!!!!!!!!! Thanks hank, this was priceless!!

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-4237792027375611742010-01-09T16:50:00.001-05:002010-01-09T16:50:58.338-05:00

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in The Villages, Florida. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, 'Old Timers Bar - all drinks 10 cents. They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this Is too good to be true.The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in and let me pour one for you!What'll it be, Gentlemen?'There seemed to be a

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-33674219221176257002010-01-09T16:38:00.002-05:002010-01-09T16:46:50.241-05:00

WARNING: Political humor. I will at this point remind my readers that not everyone has the same POV when it comes to the leadership of some countries and that everyone has an opinion. This joke goes in line with MY views of what we have right now and is in no way the views of Blogger, so don't be hassling them about it.That said, there will be no accepting of hate-mail (or comments) due to this

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-91214867142044063872010-01-09T16:27:00.002-05:002010-01-09T16:36:52.751-05:00

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room.. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-66774169705454703582009-09-29T23:13:00.001-04:002009-09-29T23:17:12.941-04:00

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:Why did God make mothers?1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.2. Mostly to clean the house.3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.How did God make mothers?1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.3. God made my mom just the same like

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-55111339852403591462009-09-29T23:11:00.000-04:002009-09-29T23:12:31.017-04:00

Two Gay Guys are walking through a zoo.They come across the gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection.The gay men are fascinated by this.One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it.The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by.When he's done,

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-51039238780495164202009-09-29T23:09:00.001-04:002009-09-29T23:10:45.795-04:00

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!!!It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.If a

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-45646082303607094102009-09-29T23:05:00.001-04:002009-09-29T23:07:28.606-04:00

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back."Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-57160888283953230262009-09-21T00:49:00.001-04:002009-09-21T00:52:50.084-04:00

So after landing my new job as a Bunnings greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive,mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Bunnings. Nice

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-35095665896853923412009-09-13T14:47:00.000-04:002009-09-13T14:48:25.211-04:00

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-55705291411028022572009-09-13T14:39:00.000-04:002009-09-13T14:41:06.159-04:00

Three men were hiking through a forest when theycame upon a large raging, Violent river.Needing to get to the other side, The first man prayed:'God, please give me the strength to cross theriver.'Poof! ..God gave him big arms and strong legs. And he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God,please give me strength

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-86485965778091153192009-09-01T16:00:00.000-04:002009-09-01T16:01:10.944-04:00

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw anold man walking with his legs spread apart.He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.One student said to his friend:"I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.Those people walk just like that."The other student says: "No, I don't think so.The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome.He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-34369293798043092652009-09-01T15:52:00.002-04:002009-09-01T16:00:12.896-04:00

Our maid asked for a pay increase.My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about theraise.She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'Maria: 'Well,ma'am, there are three reasons why I want an increase.' Thefirst is that I iron better than you.'Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'Maria: 'Your husband said so.'Wife: 'Oh.'Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-24295316447119819712009-08-28T15:30:00.001-04:002009-08-28T15:31:57.000-04:00

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-85940415048639917272009-08-27T17:49:00.001-04:002009-08-27T17:51:11.808-04:00

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-26626604617567352142009-08-23T14:53:00.001-04:002009-08-23T14:55:04.117-04:00

While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with mysister-in-law the other day, I think we have found the solution. I amsure you have heard the ideas that if you're a senior you need to suckit up and give up the idea that you need any health care. A new hip?Unheard of. We simply can't afford to take care of you anymore. Youdon't need any medications for your high blood pressure,

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-37649080200826805882009-08-23T14:48:00.000-04:002009-08-23T14:49:45.509-04:00

A guy met a girl at the state fair, and she invited him back toher place for the night. When they arrived at her house, they went right into her bedroom.The guy noticed that the room was filled with stuffed animals.There were hundreds of them all over the place. Giant stuffedanimals were on top of the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals wereon the bookshelf and on the windowsill, and a lot of

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-68430076716780307682009-08-22T23:23:00.001-04:002009-08-22T23:25:50.080-04:00

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-36917001899751285172009-08-14T20:54:00.003-04:002009-08-14T20:56:37.754-04:00

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3445063050944515309.post-81351813444350595932009-08-14T14:53:00.001-04:002009-08-14T14:56:37.287-04:00

Translated for the visually impaired:Cat on bed all stretched and caught yawning. The caption says:Laugh... and the world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically, for no apparent reason, and they'll leave you alone.This must explain why I'm alone much of the time.....

LadyStyxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17020724106526697135noreply@blogger.com1